What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry

melancholic romantic comic cynic. bi & genderqueer. fantasy writer. sysrae on ao3.

oh.

Here’s what I was going to say:

I have terrible object permanence when it comes to friendship, especially with new friends. Like, if we’re not physically hanging out or talking online right that second, my default assumption is that I’ve pissed you off somehow, and now you hate me, and it takes a super-long time for that feeling to ever wear off, and is in fact paradoxically worse the nicer and more enthusiastic you are when we first meet, because on some level, I either assume you’re only pretending to like me, or that you’re exactly that friendly with everyone, and I’m nothing special.

And I was about to make a joke about why my brain is stupid and solipsistic, but in the middle of writing this I had a series of visceral flashbacks to primary and high school, where this is literally a thing that happened to me all the damn time - like, I’d think I was friends with someone, or a group of someones, right up until I wasn’t - and I was like, oh, right. Trust issues. The term you’re looking for is trust issues

  1. notoyax17 reblogged this from fozmeadows
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  4. rhube reblogged this from fozmeadows and added:
    {{{hugs}}} I am like this, too. There are people I have met and hung out with at conventions that I am sure would be...
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