What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry

melancholic romantic comic cynic. bi & genderqueer. fantasy writer. sysrae on ao3.

Seriously though, we need to talk about this; and specifically, about the why of this. Because in 1.12 (Faith), Sam explicitly asks Dean why he doesn’t believe in miracles; why he can’t just accept that he’s been saved from death by Roy Legrange, the faith-healer.

Sam: How can you be a skeptic? With the things we see every day?

Dean: Exactly. We see them, we know they’re real.

Sam: But if you know evil’s out there, how can you not believe good’s out there, too?

Dean: Because I’ve seen what evil does to good people. 

Dean Winchester doesn’t believe in angels because he doesn’t believe in uncorrupted goodness; because his mother said that angels were watching over him - which, awfully, they were - and a demon still burned her up on the ceiling. Dean believes in Hell, because he has enough experience with the world being bloody and broken and fucked up to accept that something worse exists beyond it, but not nearly enough experience of actual goodness to believe there might also be something better, too. Even in Heaven, Dean is isolated: his best memories are all of Sam, but Sam’s best are all of strangers. His brother wants a separate Heaven, and knowing that, Dean can never have one of his own. 

And when the angels finally do show up? They prove his point about evil changing good people about a hundred, a thousand times over, because all they bring is more bloodshed; even Castiel, who always makes his worst mistakes when trying to do what’s right. Just like Dean does, and of course Cas is the same, because it was Dean who taught him to be human, Dean who ultimately made him fall - Dean who knows exactly what evil does to good people, because deep down, that’s what he thinks has long since happened to him, the righteous man who shed blood in Hell and started the Apocalypse.

But the irony is, that’s not what left Dean open to evil. He betrayed himself, not through weakness, but self-loathing. He fell to demons by thinking he already was one; by thinking he was cursed, and broken, and worthless.

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And now?

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(Source: willforthegay, via space--aunt)

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