What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry

melancholic romantic comic cynic. bi & genderqueer. fantasy writer. sysrae on ao3.

Anonymous asked:

I appreciated your post on anti culture, and largely agree with it, however, I'm wondering what your thoughts are on the idea that the romanticizing of abuse (jealousy is a sign of love, being controlling is normal in a relationship, aggression just needs to be 'tamed' with kindness, etc) is widespread and has cultural backing?

Does the relative approval in wider society make these ideas in fic more harmful than, say, incest, which obviously doesn't have that kind of wider cultural position?

That’s an interesting question! I’m not sure I’d categorise it as harmful in a fanfic context, even given its wider social acceptance, precisely because it’s something that tends to be explored on purpose and tagged accordingly. When you name a relationship as toxic or abusive, you’re not romanticising it: you’re saying “this is narratively compelling to me, even though it’s fucked up.” By contrast - and speaking personally - I know I absorbed a lot of messed-up messages as a teenager about what consent and romance looked like from the media I consumed; but that was because, outside of those stories, I had no real guidance about what made a healthy relationship. 

And ultimately, that lack of external guidance? THAT was the problem. Where young people learn primarily about relationships from fiction, such that the distinction between healthy and unhealthy isn’t always clear, it’s because they’ve been failed by their educational systems. If consent, abuse and healthy relationship guidelines were taught seriously in schools - or if there was a better culture of parents explaining this stuff to their kids, complete with resources - you wouldn’t have so many people assuming that if something was portrayed as romantic in a story, it must automatically be ok. At the same time, I think it’s also good to develop a culture of being able to engage critically with media, so we can better identify the various differences between “something I find romantic/sexy in a story but not real life,” “something I don’t find romantic/sexy but which is nonetheless compelling,” and “something I find romantic/sexy in a story that I might want in real life.”

While I do think there’s a worthwhile discussion to be had about the frequency with which popular media depicts unhealthy relationships as romantic, particularly those targeted towards teenage girls, I also think it’s counterproductive to shame people who like those stories or call the stories themselves harmful. We can criticise the pattern and the social biases that see particular narratives given more popular space than others on one hand without saying “liking or writing this type of thing makes you bad/stupid/a victim” on the other. And in terms of reproducing those dynamics in a context that actively labels them as abusive or messed up, I think fanfic is helping to increase cultural literacy about how those lines are drawn and why. 

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    I appreciated your post on anti culture, and largely agree with it, however, I'm wondering what your thoughts are on the...