What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry

melancholic romantic comic cynic. bi & genderqueer. fantasy writer. sysrae on ao3.

One of the biggest misconceptions out there about sexual harassment is that it’s mostly intended as a kind of flirting, an attempt by the harasser to get positive attention and maybe even consensual sex. If you believe that, you’re much more likely to be hoodwinked by pro-harassment arguments about how innocent men are getting castigated, thrown out of conferences and bars, blocked on Twitter, etc. because they are either socially inept (Asperger’s is often trotted out as an excuse) or because “hypersensitive” bitches are freaking out because they love to “play the victim”. The reality is that harassment is usually about, well, harassing someone. It’s often disguised as flirting, but only so the harasser can (oh irony) play the part of the victimized innocent when his target pushes back. Disguising it as flirting also helps draw out the harassment, because the target often doesn’t want to be painted as “hypersensitive” and so she can be coerced with that into playing along and pretending she’s being flirted with when she and the harasser both know that he’s pushing her boundaries to get the pleasure of making her uncomfortable. Sometimes harassment is its own reward for harassers. Sometimes the harasser feels that he wouldn’t be able to have consensual flirting, much less sex, with the target anyway, so he’s pre-emptively punishing her for this hypothetical rejection. Sometimes, sadly, the harasser is a rapist and he’s trying to see if he can bully the victim with his “flirting” into being alone with him so he can rape her. But the point of harassment is not to get consensual interactions with women, and that myth needs to die already.

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