What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry

melancholic romantic comic cynic. bi & genderqueer. fantasy writer. sysrae on ao3.

EPIC MANSPLAINING FAIL

You guys. I have just endured The Mansplain To End All Mansplains.

Ever since we moved into our current flat, I’ve been getting weird calls from some group calling themselves the Accident Helpline. At least once a month, but recently more like once a week, we’ve been getting calls from them. Every time, I’ve explained, with increasing anger, that they are cold callers; to please take my name and number off their list. Every time, they have declined to do so, and have eventually called back.

At 2pm today, they called again. The guy who called me didn’t bother to introduce himself; he just said he was from the Accident Helpline. This time, I was determined to get them to go away forever.

Me: Listen to me very carefully. You are cold calling me. You have called me about fifteen times, and every time, I have asked you to take my name off your list and stop calling. That is what I’m asking you. Can you please take my name and number off your list?

Him: No, I can’t do that.

Me: Why?

Him: Because you’ve had an accident.

Me: No, I haven’t.

Now, at this point, there’s really only one way the conversation ought to go: with him acknowledging that my number is on file by mistake, apologising for the inconvenience, and hanging up. 

This isn’t what happens. Instead, he fucking gainsays me.

Him: Yes, you have.

Me: Excuse me? Of the two of us, which one has the actual experience of living my life? Don’t you think I’d know if I’d been in an accident?

Him: Maybe not.

Me: Are you saying you know my life better than I do? Is that what you’re saying?

Him: In this case, yes.

Me: Do you really think it’s possible for a total stranger to know my life better than I do?

Him: It’s possible, yes.

Me: *inarticulate rage*

At which point, he hung up, leaving me physically furious.

But it gets better.

Not ten minutes ago, another guy from the same company rang again and started giving me the same spiel. 

Me: I’m sick of this. I haven’t had an accident. I want you to tell me what details you have on me in your file. 

New Guy: Your name is Julia Roberts, you -

Me: That’s not my name. 

New Guy: What? What’s your name?

Me: I’m not telling you that. But I’m not Julia Roberts.

New Guy: But you were in a car accident - 

Me: NO, I WASN’T.

New Guy: Well, do you know who Julia Roberts is?

Me: I guess maybe she was the previous tenant here? Beyond that, I don’t know. But she doesn’t live here.

New Guy: She’s a big Hollywood actress!

Me: …..

Me: Your details are wrong. Stop calling me. Will you stop calling me?

New Guy: I promise, we’ll never call you again.

And then, mercifully, he hung up.

But I mean. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

  1. patrickdiomedes reblogged this from feministbatwoman
  2. feministbatwoman reblogged this from fozmeadows
  3. fozmeadows posted this