What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry

melancholic romantic comic cynic. bi & genderqueer. fantasy writer. sysrae on ao3.

Anonymous asked: So, I read a bit of your post 'Lamenting' the friend zone, and I wanted to bring up a point. Why do you deserve platonic friends. I don't have any friends. Why do you get friends. Why are your sexual friends not your equals? A romantic relationship gone awry can ruin a previously good platonic relationship. 'Friendzoning' very much is that idea. The average man doesn't care about friendships(male or female) as much as the average woman, so 'Friendzoning' would therefore happen for women less.

Um. I can’t really parse your question as a whole, so I’m going to answer it sentence by sentence.

Why do you deserve platonic friends?

Because I’m a person.

I don’t have any friends. Why do you get friends? 

I’m sorry to hear that, but your not having friends doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have any. As to why I have them, I guess because we get along and like each other.

Why are your sexual friends not your equals? 

As I’m monogamously married, the only sexual friend I have is my husband, and he’s definitely my equal. But if this is meant to be a general question, then I’ve never said a sexual partner can’t be your equal, regardless of whether you’re otherwise friends with them. In fact, I’d sort of encourage it, as the implications of an unequal sexual relationship are… not so great.

A romantic relationship gone awry can ruin a previously good platonic relationship. Friendzoning’ very much is that idea. 

I’m not sure what you mean by this. Are you saying that women are more likely to worry about losing a friendship than men, and therefore more reluctant to turn friendships into sexual relationships? Because if so, I disagree.

The average man doesn’t care about friendships(male or female) as much as the average woman, so ‘Friendzoning’ would therefore happen for women less.

I really, really disagree with this. Men care just as much about their friends as women; the idea that they don’t is purely a sexist stereotype with no basis in biology, culture or statistics. So, no: I don’t accept your conclusion.

  1. fozmeadows posted this