What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry

melancholic romantic comic cynic. bi & genderqueer. fantasy writer. sysrae on ao3.

Anonymous asked: Do you think that women who willingly accept gender binaries can be as happy as someone who believes gender binaries to be damaging and works to sublimate them?

That’s… not an easy question to answer. Happiness means different things to different people, and always has, and always will. If you’re asking whether I think all traditional stay-at-home wives and mothers are secretly sad and unfulfilled, then no; ditto the idea that all us gender-binary-resisting feminists are living in paradise. Whatever social ideal we choose to emulate, human beings aren’t perfect, and the person is yet to be born who doesn’t at some point struggle with what they’ve chosen - not because they regret it (or at least, not necessarily), but because life of all kinds is challenging. 

The point is, personal happiness is not the sole product of either adherence to or departure from gender norms. It’s certainly an important part of our identity as women, and I suspect that a lot of unhappiness is unnecessarily engendered in people of every gender who, rather than openly choosing one path or the other, never realised that choice was an option. But while I certainly know what course makes me happiest, I’m not prepared to issue a blanket statement decreeing that the same must therefore be true for all women. The point of fighting set gender binaries isn’t to prevent women from doing or enjoying traditionally feminine things: it’s to make those activities accessible and viable choices for everyone, and to ensure that, whatever we do, we choose it freely.

  1. fozmeadows posted this