What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry

melancholic romantic comic cynic. bi & genderqueer. fantasy writer. sysrae on ao3.

An incomplete list of things Daryl ‘Razor’ Reaugh has said while commentating Stars games in the 2017-18 season

fozmeadows:

·         He’s a swordsman, an assassin, a matador all in one! 

·         It has not been velvety down there.

·         A buxom rebound!

·         Another block by the Stars, who have their ears pinned back in that statistical category.

·         It’s a simulcast of delinquency down there!

·         Jason Spezza at his gallivanting best!

·         In the city of brotherly love, they’re going to kiss their sister for sixty minutes.

·         Hanzel trying to bang his man on the end boards!

·         A pretty sassy, cheeky glove save by Ben Bishop!

·         The most mortiferous shot!

·         Suave, creamy and moist! – on Spezza and/or his goal

·         Some vicious stick language from John Klingberg!

·         Seguin and the Egyptian cotton crew!

·         It’s like Faksa and the hounds!

·         No rebound off that big salmon net.

·         The ginger ninja! 

·         Tantalising netminding by Malcolm Subban!

·         Cody Eakin’s ginger mane is visible now.

·         The tentacular legs of Bishop!

·         The Hammer of Thor! – when Seguin scored his second of the night

·         A big, thieving giraffe in the Stars net! 

·         Meanwhile, everyone hates Antoine Roussel.

·         The Russian Bandersnatch: flamboyant, passionate! 

Never change, Razor. Never change. 

Yet more Razorisms for your enjoyment:

·         Like three mad dogs on a bone there!

·         Roussel riding him down to the corner – literally!

·         Gauzy, velvety hands on Martin Hanzal in the rush!

·         A painful but paralyzing tally for Dallas!

·         That’s another one of those momentary lapses in cerebral activity.

·         From fluffing his lines to knotting the game!

·         The Stars are drinking from the fire hose early in this one.

·         What a succulent little pass by Seguin.

·         Anything that was plugged up is no longer.

·         Neither netminder has been perforated.

·         What a sapient nexus of passes that was!

·         They are peppering, strafing and lapidating the Bruins’ net!

·         Benn has someone around the neck – I would guess Marchand, every time.

·         Oh, did he wet the sugar there!

·         Draw a bath, run a shower – that was filthy from number 91!

·         His reputation and his beard might’ve got him into trouble on that one.

·         A scrappy, borderline medieval affair!

·         Down they go in a pile of humanity!

·         It is just wild and unfettered down there at times.

·         The gnome is exhausted after that!

·         If he had a bridle or something, I think he’d stick it on him right now.

·         The Swedes were succulent on that one!

·         It’s under Darcy Kuemper as a Renaissance painting ensues in front of the Kings’ net.

·         I’m more into bitcoin than bitmojis anyway.

·         From physicality to fabulous!

·         He followed through with the thespian act of falling down.

·         I’d say a monkey has been jettisoned from the back of the Hawks captain.

·         What a nectarous treat this is to watch!

·         It doesn’t happen without Jamie Benn being dainty as a bonsai artist just inside the line.

·         That was drilled from the ladies’ tees!

·         You could drown in information and thirst for knowledge in this league right now.

·         He’s got the fanny out to protect the puck.

·         This is a mastodonic, elephantine, mammoth goal!

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