What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry

melancholic romantic comic cynic. bi & genderqueer. fantasy writer. sysrae on ao3.

Anonymous asked: fic author Never Have I Ever: written an MLP crossover with an NC17 rating

seananmcguire:

animatedamerican:

(from this post)

Haven’t and wouldn’t, as I am sure you know perfectly well, Mister Grayface.

All right: buckle up.

So while I have never been shy about this fact, I don’t usually advertise the fact that once upon a time, as part of my grand “go to college without winding up so deep in debt that I have to sell a kidney” plan, I used to work for a phone sex line.  This was before cam girls came along, and before visual porn was quick and easy and everywhere.  You wanted DIY sexytimes, you might pick up a receiver and let your fingers do the walking to your local $4 a minute porn facilitators, where having a sweet voice and an agile mind was basically the key to kink.  I was very, very good at my job.

(There are so many reasons I don’t write smut today, y'all.  So very many reasons.)

One night I get a ping from my operator, who says she’s got a guy with a special request, and that I’m her last hope.  I am her Obi-Wan.  What, I ask, is so exotic and impossible and yet still within our rules* that she’s had to go through multiple people to try and fulfill his desires?

(*The line I worked for didn’t do underage and didn’t do non-con roleplay.  I’m sure it was more fear of being sued than a moral stance, but wow did it make it easier to feel good about my job.)

Now, keep in mind that this was long, long before My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic came along.  So it was a total shocker when, after a long pause, she said, “He wants to have sex with Megan from My Little Pony.”

I gasped.  With joy.  "You have to give me a minute,“ I said.

“Why?”

“I need to sing if I’m going to get the voice right.”

Thirty seconds later, there was a click, and a nervous male voice said, “M-Megan?”

I replied, “Oh my gosh.  It’s been so long since I’ve seen…are you…are you really…are you a human man?”

Friends, we fucked our way through every major landmark in the generation one My Little Pony universe.  Dream Castle to Flutter Valley and back.  It was a full Gilligan–a three hour call.

I got a bonus, he got a fantasy fulfilled, and I still expect him to show up for a signing one of these days.

Your eventual biographer is going to have a hell of a time.

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