Anonymous asked: fic author Never Have I Ever: written an MLP crossover with an NC17 rating
(from this post)
Haven’t and wouldn’t, as I am sure you know perfectly well, Mister Grayface.
All right: buckle up.
So while I have never been shy about this fact, I don’t usually advertise the fact that once upon a time, as part of my grand “go to college without winding up so deep in debt that I have to sell a kidney” plan, I used to work for a phone sex line. This was before cam girls came along, and before visual porn was quick and easy and everywhere. You wanted DIY sexytimes, you might pick up a receiver and let your fingers do the walking to your local $4 a minute porn facilitators, where having a sweet voice and an agile mind was basically the key to kink. I was very, very good at my job.
(There are so many reasons I don’t write smut today, y'all. So very many reasons.)
One night I get a ping from my operator, who says she’s got a guy with a special request, and that I’m her last hope. I am her Obi-Wan. What, I ask, is so exotic and impossible and yet still within our rules* that she’s had to go through multiple people to try and fulfill his desires?
(*The line I worked for didn’t do underage and didn’t do non-con roleplay. I’m sure it was more fear of being sued than a moral stance, but wow did it make it easier to feel good about my job.)
Now, keep in mind that this was long, long before My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic came along. So it was a total shocker when, after a long pause, she said, “He wants to have sex with Megan from My Little Pony.”
I gasped. With joy. "You have to give me a minute,“ I said.
“Why?”
“I need to sing if I’m going to get the voice right.”
Thirty seconds later, there was a click, and a nervous male voice said, “M-Megan?”
I replied, “Oh my gosh. It’s been so long since I’ve seen…are you…are you really…are you a human man?”
Friends, we fucked our way through every major landmark in the generation one My Little Pony universe. Dream Castle to Flutter Valley and back. It was a full Gilligan–a three hour call.
I got a bonus, he got a fantasy fulfilled, and I still expect him to show up for a signing one of these days.
Your eventual biographer is going to have a hell of a time.
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