What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry

melancholic romantic comic cynic. bi & genderqueer. fantasy writer. sysrae on ao3.

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the universal nature of the excessively violent barney the dinosaur murder anthems we sang as really little kids… haunting honestly?

has anyone tried to compile a map based on different versions to see if theres any big difference between regions? im curious

The one we sang in Virginia went “I love you, you love me, Barney gave me HIV.” I don’t remember if there were more parts to it.

New Hampshire, circa 1999: “I hate you, you hate me, let’s tie Barney to a tree, with a (something something something) head, now that purple freak is dead.”

There was also one that was to the tune of Ode to Joy that was like, “Joy to the world, Barney is dead, we barbecued his head! Don’t worry about the body, we flushed it down the potty, and round and round it goes! And round and round it goes! And round and round and round it goes!”

image

Originally posted by lilsparrow72

New Mexico, circa 1993, “Hey, ho, what do you know, Barney got shot by a GI Joe. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said ‘Whoomp, Barney’s dead! Whoomp, Barney’s dead!’”

The last part of course sung as ‘Whoomp! (There It Is) by Tag Team.

Southern California (Greater Los Angeles Area), circa 1999: “I hate you, you hate me, let’s get together and kill Barney. With a great big knife and a (something something) more. No more fucking dinosaur.”

Springfield, IL, late 90s:

“I hate you, you hate me,
I tied Barney to a tree!
With a great big knife and a bullet through his head,
Hallelujah, Barney’s dead!”

youth memes with regional variants

In Michigan Early 2000’s
I hate you, you hate me
Let’s get together and kill Barney
With a 2 by 4 we’ll knock him to the floor
No more purple dinosaur

Rural IL, early 2000’s
I hate you, you hate me,
Let’s chase Barney up a tree
with a 2 by 4, we’ll beat him out the door
No more stupid dinosaur

We also had the joy to the world one mentioned above.

nebraska, mid-2000s, i don’t remember the whole of it but it began “ i hate you, you hate me, let’s get together and kill barney”

indiana, early-to-mid-2000s, “i hate you, you hate me, let’s tie barney to a tree” and then the ending would vary

pennsylvania mid-2000s, “i hate you, you hate me, let’s get together and kill barney” but there was also “ABCDEFG, barney is my enemy”

Northeast Georgia circa 2002: I hate you, you hate me, let’s get together and kill Barney with a great shotgun and IMPALE IT THROUGH HIS HEAD let’s sing the song that barney’s dead.
And then we’d sing the Joy to the World one as mentioned above

East Missouri, 2004. “I hate you, you hate me, Let’s hang Barney from a tree, with a stick in his butt and a knife in his head, aren’t we glad that Barney’s dead.”

NC, 1992-3: I hate you, you hate me, let’s get together and kill barney, with a great big gun and a shot from me to you won’t you say you’ll kill him too. (Or something like that. It’s been years.)

Hey anyone else do the hyperviolent Christmas Songs like: Joy to the World the teacher’s dead?

California, early 2000s

DECK THE HALLS WITH POISON IVY FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

TIS THE SEASON TO BE ITCHY FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

DON WE NOW OUR ITCHY SKIN CREAM FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

not a hyperviolent Christmas song, a moderately uncomfortable one

New York, mid 2000’s

I hate you
You hate me
Let’s get together and shoot barney
With a big shotgun and a 2 by 4 (?)
No more purple dinosaur

I can’t remember the exact words but we had a murderous barney song in the UK too.

Ontario, Canada, early 2000s

Ours was pretty similar to New York’s

I hate you,

You hate me,

Let’s go out and kill Barney

With a baseball bat and a 2 by four

No more purple dinosaur

Alabama, early 2000s and ours was the same as the one above with the exception that the line was “Let’s all go and kill Barney”

“…With a sawed-off shotgun; put it to his head-
Just one shot- and Barney’s dead…”

New South Wales, Australia, early to mid 90s:

“I hate you, you hate me

Let’s get together and kill Barney

with a sledgehammer here and get him on the floor

no more purple dinosaur!”

(Source: foulserpent, via lynati)

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