describe a video game in the absolute worse way possible: in the format of a “Florida Man” news headline
i.e. “Belgian Man Enraged by Smooth Jazz; Whacks People with Sticks, Consumes Raw Meat” (OFF)
abandoned child with a knife flirts with everyone
Teenage Girl Gets Embarrassingly Lost In Fog
circus child enters minds to save the world, occasionally sets fire to bears
Cephalopod children fight to the death with colorful ink.
Squid hybrids children do Paint Wars
Plummer fights against mutant turtle to save a badass woman
Kids catches magical creatures to fight against more people who will help them to become a champion
Local Swordsman Wastes Time Collecting Shit; Princess Still In Mortal Peril
People Explode Beans Just to Bury Rivals in Rocks
Local Farmer goes Mad: Starts Throwing Trash at Ponds, Claims to Hear Talking Fairy Sprites
Local Rapper Starts Singing at Public Bathroom
Scientist says: Being not Perfect at Playing Music Causes Madness
Psychic Children Fend Off Alien Menace Using Bottle Rockets and Prayer
Plumber Teams Up with Rival, Girlfriend, “Frog”, and Possessed Doll; Defeats Intergalactic Blacksmith
michigan woman is just REALLY good at solving puzzles
Local Attorneys Take Courtroom Shenanigans Too Far; Body-Count Rising
Local man wakes up from 9 year coma to punch evil burn victim in the face. Also takes the theme of Moby Dick far too seriously
Mailman miraculously found alive in the desert, fucks local robot
Local dog uses magical graffiti to save the world.
Local woman leaves home to find her dad, ends up fighting the President.
Local Man Thinks His Dad’s Friends Are Assholes, Kills Them All.
“Kirkwall Woman Arrested For Everything”
“Local Woman Loves Cake, Solves 17 Puzzles To Get To It”
“Local woman ends own wedding, civil war, plague”
Band Of Lovable Misfits Compete To Fuck Local Chosen One, Kill Ancient Douchebag
(via queergoblin)
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tharrb reblogged this from danguy96 and added: Cartoon mouse creates Eldritch Abomination, ruins the lives of a bunch of nobody’s, much to elder brothers chagrin
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Homeless Amnesiac Becomes Royal Tactician, Saves The World By Fighting Themself
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damejudyhench reblogged this from corancoranthemagicalman and added: Local Man Turns Up Late For Work, Causes Apocalypse
corancoranthemagicalman reblogged this from grandwretch and added: Local Boy Fights His Own Shadow With a Key And Loses
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Local bike courier blows up a package, gets electrical powers as a result; Proceeds to fuck shit up.Italian man...
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nk64 reblogged this from mintyeggs and added:
Ghost Tries To Recover Memories He Lost Before 7 AM, Saves 9 People From Death, Changes Future And Actually A Cat
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weeb-dweeb reblogged this from long-gone-silvers and added: Boston Man kills 30 irradiated super-humans with a minigun
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Local boy has a total meltdown, destroys island and tries to kill his friends.
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