I'm Afraid I'm Going To Have To Cancel Men
I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to cancel men so we can have a frank and spirited conversation about how to behave like good people. Until we have that honest talk, no more football or fart jokes or double bacon cheeseburgers. No more high-fives or fist bumps or boob banter. I’m cancelling video games and comic books and beer pong.
If you’re in the locker room, do what you’re supposed to do in the locker room. Change into your short shorts.
I’m pulling this car over.
I don’t want to do this. But it’s time we have a talk. Man to men. It’s become clear that we men cannot emotionally handle the fact that we are flawed, imperfect and selfish human beings who don’t like it when shit changes. It’s natural to panic when shit changes. But we’re beyond Xanax right now.
So do me a favor: Spare me the boy noise about biology. Your arguments are not convincing. While we’re on the topic of ground rules: “Man cards” are not personalities. “Man caves” are tombs. You are not oppressed by women.
There is no such thing as alpha dogs or beta-males. What nonsense. Pure argle-bargle. It’s a simpler binary: There are people who want to be better, and people too afraid to give it a whirl. There is no ambition or originality in becoming that which you fear.
Have you been rejected? I am sorry, your highness, but we do not always get that which we want. Perhaps, at work, there is a rival for authority who is not a man. Well, warrior, accept the challenge! Has a beloved cultural artifact from your youth been vandalized to appeal to someone who is not you? What a lovely life it is, indeed, if such a thing is the greatest crime committed against you. Are we done? Good.
Yes, of course, men have done many excellent things. But that’s not what we’re talking about right now. Please don’t bore me. Also: don’t whine or complain. I can’t abide a sniveler.
So what qualifies me to cancel men? What are my bone fides? Ask your mom.
Seriously. Ask her if she’s ever been dismissed by a man. Sit her down and look in her eyes and ask her if a man has ever sneered at her. I bet, if you really want to know, and I mean really want to know, she’ll tell you, casually, about the things men do that men do not see. Because we don’t have to see what we don’t want to see. It’s the most sublime gift we have given ourselves. The ability to enjoy power and ignore the wreckage.
But, you know, you shouldn’t have to have a mother, or a daughter, or a sister to know that when somebody asks for “help” you don’t respond with “well, actually…” You help them because that’s the decent thing to do.
(via flawful-ish)
thriceandonce reblogged this from meret118
thriceandonce liked this
iamthefirechild reblogged this from lauraannegilman
the-thing-about-life-is reblogged this from alexxphoenix42
scottishfish liked this
aeivyen reblogged this from fozmeadows landlocked-mermaid reblogged this from cephetacean
wishforsomewherenew reblogged this from meret118
msbriket liked this
frk4sccr reblogged this from gwynnemeeks
frk4sccr liked this
gwynnemeeks reblogged this from knitmeapony
str8-goggles reblogged this from alexxphoenix42
str8-goggles liked this
crow-feet liked this jaxxem-archive liked this
ethereumwinds reblogged this from beescream
beescream reblogged this from otiggerifico
violetwylde liked this
otiggerifico reblogged this from lillerina
madzither liked this
blessing-for-mary reblogged this from alexxphoenix42
blessing-for-mary liked this allybird87 liked this
ettuinarcadia liked this
the-navel-treatment-blog liked this
alexxphoenix42 reblogged this from shinysherlock
ereshai liked this
winterrose16312 liked this
mcbangle reblogged this from shinysherlock theunicornandtheraven liked this
devoursjohnlock liked this
dubiouslynamed liked this
arnirien liked this
mcbangle liked this adaptiveradiation liked this
shinysherlock reblogged this from knitmeapony
thehornedwitch liked this
darcula-dreams reblogged this from meret118
hotglassofmilk reblogged this from tidalrace 90yearoldwomanhamster reblogged this from stabbitytuesday
90yearoldwomanhamster liked this
stabbitytuesday reblogged this from tidalrace
sinbetweens liked this
meret118 posted this
- Show more notes