What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry

melancholic romantic comic cynic. bi & genderqueer. fantasy writer. sysrae on ao3.

I'm Afraid I'm Going To Have To Cancel Men

meret118:

I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to cancel men so we can have a frank and spirited conversation about how to behave like good people. Until we have that honest talk, no more football or fart jokes or double bacon cheeseburgers. No more high-fives or fist bumps or boob banter. I’m cancelling video games and comic books and beer pong.

If you’re in the locker room, do what you’re supposed to do in the locker room. Change into your short shorts.

I’m pulling this car over.

I don’t want to do this. But it’s time we have a talk. Man to men. It’s become clear that we men cannot emotionally handle the fact that we are flawed, imperfect and selfish human beings who don’t like it when shit changes. It’s natural to panic when shit changes. But we’re beyond Xanax right now.

So do me a favor: Spare me the boy noise about biology. Your arguments are not convincing. While we’re on the topic of ground rules: “Man cards” are not personalities. “Man caves” are tombs. You are not oppressed by women.

There is no such thing as alpha dogs or beta-males. What nonsense. Pure argle-bargle. It’s a simpler binary: There are people who want to be better, and people too afraid to give it a whirl. There is no ambition or originality in becoming that which you fear.

Have you been rejected? I am sorry, your highness, but we do not always get that which we want. Perhaps, at work, there is a rival for authority who is not a man. Well, warrior, accept the challenge! Has a beloved cultural artifact from your youth been vandalized to appeal to someone who is not you? What a lovely life it is, indeed, if such a thing is the greatest crime committed against you. Are we done? Good.

Yes, of course, men have done many excellent things. But that’s not what we’re talking about right now. Please don’t bore me. Also: don’t whine or complain. I can’t abide a sniveler.

So what qualifies me to cancel men? What are my bone fides? Ask your mom.

Seriously. Ask her if she’s ever been dismissed by a man. Sit her down and look in her eyes and ask her if a man has ever sneered at her. I bet, if you really want to know, and I mean really want to know, she’ll tell you, casually, about the things men do that men do not see. Because we don’t have to see what we don’t want to see. It’s the most sublime gift we have given ourselves. The ability to enjoy power and ignore the wreckage.

But, you know, you shouldn’t have to have a mother, or a daughter, or a sister to know that when somebody asks for “help” you don’t respond with “well, actually…” You help them because that’s the decent thing to do.

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(via flawful-ish)

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