What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry

melancholic romantic comic cynic. bi & genderqueer. fantasy writer. sysrae on ao3.

gallifreyanprincess:

2oulle22-lover:

ghostedarmy:

aggressivelytwerkinganderson:

thegodaesthetic:

jewishwitch:

a-kir-a:

ichristyg:

eviltessmacher:

theactualjensenackles:

teenagefrankzhang:

So my dad took away my laptop because I wouldn’t give him the password. I wasn’t even allowed to type it in, he demanded to know the password to my personal computer because he thinks I’m “ doing things I’m not supposed to do. ” My sister is not, and never has been, held to the same standard when it came to passwords on her own phone etc. But my parents always suspect me of being “up to something” and will randomly ask to use my computer/ know the password, and when I say no, they get mad at me. In the past, they have taken away my devices and looked through them, which cased me a lot of anxiety and is part of the reason I don’t like it when people use my computer or go through the camera roll on my phone. Even as I type this, I’m being asked what I’m doing. If you think parents demanding to know the passwords to their child’s personal devices is a breach of privacy please reblog

my parents do the same thing it’s torture

As a parent, you don’t get privacy until you are on your own. My house, my rules, my money, my decision.

Don’t like it?

Too bad.

I am the parent here. I’m not your friend. I’m your father.

Literally kids are not your prisoner??? There’s a difference between being protective and being controlling.

“You don’t get privacy until you’re an adult” like what the fuck. You’re one of those piece of shit parents that thinks taking away bedroom doors and making their kids hold sandwich board signs on busy roads is appropriate punishment aren’t you?
Children and teens are still fucking people and still deserve respect. If you can’t even respect your child how do you expect to teach them to respect others?

AS A PARENT YOU DON’T GET PRIVACY UNTIL YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN. If I suspect you’re doing drugs or talking to someone way older than you or sneaking out at night, your privacy becomes my business. You’re living under MY roof, and I bought that computer, that phone, and pay for the service that runs it. Sorry, Charlie. It’s my job as a parent to make sure you’re safe and I will exercise the UNALIENABLE right to invade your privacy.

The mindset parents have of “my house my rules / I bought you that phonecomputertabletetc so I can go through it” is a huge contributer to anxiety, depression, self harm, and suicide in kids and teens and if anyone is defending, condoning, or practicing that behavior I hope to god they get their kids taken away from them. Nobody deserves to grow up under an iron fist of emotional abuse.

dude it’s one thing to be looking out for your kid and another to be like “privacy doesn’t exist because you are vulnerable and i am in a position of power.

being overprotective of your kid is NOT going to help them. it’s fucking savage.

my mom let my sisters and i do whatever we wanted [obvs within reason] and punished us when we did bad shit and we came out just fine. we’re honest people and nothing fucked us up. my friend with overprotective and invasive parents? she sneaks out for a social life. she can’t let people touch her things without almost crying because her dad would confiscate her things as she was using them to make sure she wasn’t selling drugs or sexting. sometimes she compulsively lies about small things and admits to lying later because she knows it’s was stupid to do it in the first place and she developed OCD from her father reprimanding her for not being clean enough [even though she’s a spotless person] she will have anxiety attacks over being in a messy environment because of the panic her dad put into her while growing up. she’s almost twenty and you know what she did? she asked me to cover for her so she could go on a date. SHE IS TWENTY NEXT MONTH AND ASKED ME TO LIE TO HER PARENTS IF THEY ASKED ME WHERE SHE WAS. she was on a date!! dating! because she was afraid her dad would fucking ground her. the sad part is, he probably would have if he found out! they created an environment of distrust and she has to fight it to be able to hang out with people who weren’t even gonna get her in trouble.

yall wanna be like “privacy doesn’t exist for children and teens. no teens can be trusted.” but fact is, you’re gonna force your kid into being untrustworthy because you think it’s healthy to be controlling.

sorry. you’re a shitty parent. unless you have proof or grounds for violating privacy in order to keep your kid safe, you are abusive and controlling and a sack of shit for having 0 respect for your children.

My dad threatens to take my door away from me for having it closed. I’m a seventeen year old female, and he has threatened to take away my door.

when i was a teenager, i wasn’t allowed to have a cellphone, so my father would hand me a little bag of change and force me to call home from a payphone every single time i left somewhere and again when i arrived at the next place. that means if i went to the mall, i called when i got there. then if i wanted to go across the street to the Walmart i had to call and tell him so. then i had to call again when i got to the Walmart! if i had a bunch of stuff to do, i could go through the entire bag of change in one weekend - if i could even find enough payphones to call him from. his explanation for this lunacy was that he wanted to be able to find me anytime, anywhere. he also liked to randomly show up at my job to make sure i was there, and the first time i spent the night at my best friend’s after i got a car, he drove past the house no less than eight times, and called no less than four times. one of those calls was to ask where i was because my car wasn’t visible from the road - and when i explained the turnaround i was parked in was behind the house, he told me we’d “better not go anywhere or have friends over”. like, what the hell were we going to do? have a drunken orgy while my friend’s grandma was sitting in the next room? we ended up playing chess in the front parlor all night with all the lights on and the curtains open so he could see us if he drove by.

and what, exactly, did i do to deserve this? not a fucking thing. i didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, didn’t sneak out, didn’t do drugs, didn’t skip school, nothing. in 13 years of public school, i had one detention - for being late too many times. that’s it. i never did a single thing to make him think i was untrustworthy and i got stalked for it.

when i graduated high school, my father told me if i was going to go to art college on his dime, he was going to have a say in the classes i took and what i did with my free time - he even went so far as to tell me if he ever dropped by the campus, i’d better be in my dorm doing homework or in class, and if i got a grade he didn’t like, he was going to pull me out of school, bring me home, and basically keep me a prisoner with no phone, no tv, no visits with friends until i graduated from the local community college. faced with another four years of stalking and abuse, i moved out and worked in a factory until i could be considered an independent student, then went to the art college i’d always wanted to - on my terms.

my father died last May and i hadn’t talked to him for a year, hadn’t seen him for two, and before that i hadn’t had any communication with him at all for four.

the moral of the story for you “my house, my rules, you don’t get any rights” parents is: stop treating your children like shit or you’re going to die alone, and you’ll deserve it.

If your kid doesn’t feel comfortable coming to you with questions or concerns or plans, maybe you should adjust your shitty parenting.

Seriously, speaking as a parent, fuck the shitty parents on here talking about how “it’s my roof” and “it’s my dime” like your kids have any fucking say in where they live, let alone the ability to move out if they don’t like it. Your kids are not guests in your home, okay? They live there too, and what’s more, you’re the one who decided to make that happen. It’s not like some random child just showed up on your doorstep one day and demanded you fork out for their expenses – by having them, you committed to raising them, which includes taking financial responsibility for them until such time as they can support after themselves. It does not mean you get carte blanche to dictate their every goddamn movement, and it sure as shit doesn’t mean you get to emotionally blackmail them into compliance by citing something beyond their control when they try to demonstrate their autonomy – because remember that thing, how you’re trying to raise your kid to be a successful, autonomous adult? Yeah. That’s actually the end goal, here. If all you’re trying to do is raise an obedient child, you’re going to miss the part where they don’t magically turn into confident, capable adults the second they turn eighteen.

Let me repeat that: you are not raising an always-kid, but a future adult, which means that, at some point prior to their actually becoming an adult, whether functionally or legally, you have to start treating them like one. At the very least, you have to acknowledge their goddamn boundaries – or do you want your kid to think it’s okay for other adults to control their movements, make important decisions regarding their future without their input or generally leave them feeling powerless and insignificant? Is that the kind of partner you want your grown child to end up with? No? Then stop giving them a behavioural template that says they deserve to be treated like shit.

If you’re hellbent on viewing your kid’s presence and needs within your life as transactional, then what the fuck is your definition of family? Or gifts, for that matter? I mean, listen: if someone gives me a birthday present, the fact that they paid for it doesn’t mean they get to dictate how and when I use it, or threaten to take it back – because they gave it to me. Period. If you give your kid a laptop, that is their laptop, a concept wholly distinct from, say, loaning them your laptop, or allowing their use of a shared machine. If your kid saves up money from a part-time job to buy your authoritarian ass a Christmas present, does the fact that they bought it with their money mean they get to take it away from you if they don’t like how you’re using it, or control how you use it day to day? No? Then why in the fuck of actuals do you think it’s okay to do the exact same thing to them?  

Oh, right: because you’re their parent. Because you know what’s best for them. Except that, yeah, no, you really fucking don’t. Not on this point; not always. What you’re actually doing is confusing “what makes me feel most comfortable as a parent” with “what is best for my child”, which are by no means consistently synonymous states. Do parents sometimes have to do things their kids don’t like in the kids’ best interest? Of course! But it doesn’t logically follow that, if you kid doesn’t like it, you must therefore be right to do it. Particularly once your child is old enough to articulate their feelings and to understand even basic concepts about work, responsibility and autonomy, ignoring their preferences as default for the sake of getting your own way is… yeah. Not good.

Here’s a metaphor you assholes might understand: when you go to work at your job, your boss is in charge, not just of you, but of various other business concerns you might not understand, or which don’t necessarily relate to your day-to-day efforts. Your boss is responsible for your output, and you, in turn, are beholden to them. But does that mean your boss is justified in shouting at you, belittling you, continually forcing you to do unpleasant, unnecessary tasks or micromanaging your workload just because they pay you? No! Do you have the right to feel happy and safe in the workplace, to have privacy about your personal life, and to refuse unreasonable requests? Yes! Or at least, you should – and if you don’t, that’s not because life is just like that; it’s because your boss is an overbearing, bullying prick.

If you want your kid to trust you, you have to trust them first – and trust isn’t built at gunpoint, whether literal or metaphoric. Don’t treat your kid the way a bad boss treats their employees: you should be grateful you’re even employed! is eerily close to you should be grateful you’ve got a roof over your head!, after all.  

Like. I just. There are plenty of hills to die on in the battle of Parenthood, but demanding to know your kid’s passwords is an especially terrible one.

(Source: wlwgang, via monswoon)

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