What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry

melancholic romantic comic cynic. bi & genderqueer. fantasy writer. sysrae on ao3.

five reasons why australian food is better than uk food

ok so OBVIOUSLY there are more than five reasons why this is A Fact, but I’ve just come home from five years in fucking northern food purgatory and am currently hard-pressed not to weep real tears of joy in the fresh produce aisle at Coles, SO:

- mangos actually taste like fucking mangos. I don’t know what the fuck is up with UK mangos, but in five years I never encountered a single one that wasn’t bright yellow, threadily textured, chewy and astringent. HELL TO LE NO.

- ROTISSERIE CHICKENS, OH MY ACTUAL GOD. look, in australia, even your basic cheapie supermarket rotisserie chicken comes chock-full of flavourful stuffing, whereas in the UK, even pricey ones do not. I cannot adequately express my disgust at this fact. they sell you HOLLOW CHICKENS. CHICKENS THAT ARE HOLLOW. WHY.

- ice cream. like I get that the uk is a sunless gloom-kingdom 95% of the time, but that is no excuse for your ice cream to suck! you don’t even have a proper selection of magnums, for fuck’s sake. whereas australia has gelato, sold in actual flavours. ALL HAIL MY SUNBURNT COUNTRY.

- nori rolls, sweet jesus. like I just. I do not understand why the united kingdom, a country enamoured of rice as a carbohydrate, surrounded by oceans and blessed with an abundance of salmon, is yet to discover the widespread culinary applications of the nori roll. except at waitrose, apparently, which is just WEIRD. or - god help me - the tesco bento box, whose definition of ‘rice’ is basically a synonym for ‘easy-set concrete’.

- coronation chicken, aka A LITERAL FOOD CRIME. modern australia does not, as a matter of habit, concern itself with coronation chicken, partly because quite a lot of us are republicans at heart, but mostly because we have functioning tastebuds. but what is coronation chicken, I hear my american readers cry? listen. listen. THIS is coronation fucking chicken, and its use on paninis, as practised by the heathen scottish, should be morally outlawed. (POC friends, you’re gonna want to sit down before clicking that link. if white nonsense was a food, it would be coronation chicken.)

- in conclusion the uk in general and scotland in particular is a barren culinary desert, FIGHT ME

  1. captainhobbithood reblogged this from masquerabiandays
  2. masquerabiandays reblogged this from monswoon
  3. liz-lemon-cool-j reblogged this from shulkie and added:
    actually salad doesn’t have to connote vegetables, it just means stuff being chopped up into small pieces and mixed...
  4. st-sweeney reblogged this from diaryofatrekker
  5. the-beccaria-cage reblogged this from narelleaustralis
  6. narelleaustralis reblogged this from diaryofatrekker
  7. diaryofatrekker reblogged this from fozmeadows
  8. jiyongshairbleach reblogged this from kindlyshutyourface
  9. kindlyshutyourface reblogged this from agent-2-6
  10. lance-is-my-bias reblogged this from mongoose-bite
  11. rubyshila reblogged this from ginmother
  12. poke-my-poknee reblogged this from brokuro
  13. knotted-roses reblogged this from solitarelee
  14. chaos-and-cookies reblogged this from cadeorade-powercade and added:
    Why mayo people?! Why?!??!
  15. klownxboy reblogged this from ginmother
  16. cadeorade-powercade reblogged this from brokuro
  17. cholopenguin reblogged this from brokuro
  18. clearly-awkward reblogged this from brokuro
  19. queen-commander reblogged this from brokuro
  20. fozmeadows posted this